closing paragraph in email from Coffee Boss
I sent the guy an email to ask him all professional like to give me more money, and it was pretty successful. But I’m starting to wonder why I’m only now noticing that this 60+ year old is actually a cartoon dad.
- He plants excess seasonal decorations all over the cafe for every season. This summer includes a giant pink sail with an attached cat toy bauble placed so close to the door that it keeps hitting customers in the face.
- During the unnecessarily two-hour long quarterly staff meetings, Coffee Boss insists on buying excess amounts of cookies and pizza so that there’s enough for seconds and triples. And also leftovers to stick in the fridge for our breaks.
- The recent opening of a Starbucks next door put him into a dour and foreboding mood. Just say, “Oh wow. A Starbucks, eh?” and he’ll get this grim look on his face, like we’re about to brace for a meteor impact.
- If you’re unlucky, or lucky, enough to have him around on your shifts, he’ll hover just out of the corner of your eye as you prepare a drink. As soon as it’s handed over, he suddenly appears next to you and gushes to the customer about how great you are, and “oh look at that latte art isn’t it amazing? Gee, saltysoil, the subtle care and attention you put shows MILES of what a great human being you are :)” And ffs none of the shit that comes out of his mouth is disingenuous or not embarrassing.
It’s either cartoon dad or he is the embodied spirit of friendly cartoon neighbours.